Seventy for the World, and One for You

On Sukkot seventy bulls are offered, and the sages explain that they correspond to the seventy nations of the world. Then Shemini Atzeret arrives and only one bull remains, “corresponding to the one nation” (Sukkah 55b). The Gemara offers a parable: a king prepares a large feast and on the final day tells his beloved, “Make me a small meal so that I may enjoy you.”

This transition teaches something profound about relationship. For an entire festival there is great activity, sacrifice and abundance. At the end comes a small, intimate moment in which no grand event is required. What is required is simply to stay.

We often measure love through what we do: how much we gave, paid, arranged, ran, solved and carried. All of that matters. Yet there are relationships in which a person gives endlessly and the person opposite still feels alone.

A child may receive classes, clothing, trips and investment, yet long for twenty minutes in which a father simply sits nearby without a phone. A spouse may receive a well-managed home and every responsibility completed, yet want a conversation with no practical objective. An older parent may not need us to solve a problem; sometimes he or she wants us to remain another fifteen minutes.

Shemini Atzeret says: after doing so much for the world, there is a moment when God, as it were, asks for something else. Do not do more now. Just do not leave.

This is especially difficult for efficient people. A person who knows how to solve problems feels valuable when doing. Quiet presence can feel like wasted time. But relationship is not a project, and some things cannot be optimized.

The Gemara also describes the festival bulls as “decreasing as they go.” From the large to the small, from the multitude to closeness. Sometimes the deeper a relationship becomes, the less scenery it needs. Two people who truly love each other do not always need a major experience in order to feel together.

The same is true before God. There are great prayers, great actions and great occasions. There is also a moment when a person sits after everything and says: I am here. Not to achieve, ask or prove. Simply to be present.

Perhaps that is one of the gifts of Shemini Atzeret: to understand that in some relationships the greatest thing you can give is not another deed, but yourself.

Seventy for the world, and one for you. Sometimes all our work is to do more and more. Sometimes the deepest request is simply: do not go.